Writing a Eulogy — A Canadian Guide
Writing a eulogy is one of the most emotionally demanding writing tasks anyone faces. It also matters — done well, it gives the deceased's life dimension and shape; done poorly, it leaves attendees with a generic impression. This guide covers the structure and approach.
Structure that works
Opening (30-60 seconds). Acknowledge the gathering. Briefly introduce yourself if not obvious. State your relationship to the deceased.
The core (5-7 minutes). Pick 2-4 specific qualities, stories, or aspects of the deceased's life. For each, tell a brief specific story that brings the quality to life.
Optional moment of levity (30-60 seconds). If the deceased was funny or appreciated humor, a specific funny memory can be among the most powerful moments.
Tribute or call (1-2 minutes). What do you want people to take away? What did the deceased give the world? How do we honour their memory going forward?
Closing (30 seconds). Brief sign-off. "We love you. We'll miss you. Thank you."
Total 5-10 minutes. Longer is rarely better.
What makes a eulogy work
Specific stories beat abstract praise. "He always had time for people" is forgettable. "When I was 12 and broke my mom's vase, he drove an hour to help me figure out how to glue it back together before she got home" is memorable.
Authentic tone. Match the deceased's personality. A formal eulogy for an informal person feels off; a casual eulogy for a formal person feels disrespectful.
Honesty with kindness. Acknowledge what was complicated if relevant; emphasize what was good. Don't sanitize beyond recognition.
Brevity. 10 minutes feels long when listening; 7 minutes feels right.
Practice. Read it aloud at least three times before delivery. Notice where you stumble; fix those passages.
Common mistakes
Trying to be comprehensive. Listing every accomplishment or every family member produces a flat tribute. Pick a few specific things and bring them to life.
Inside jokes only family understands. Some inside references work; making the whole eulogy inside jokes excludes most attendees.
Reading without practice. Stumbling through unfamiliar text under emotional pressure is unnecessarily hard.
Improvising. "I'll just speak from the heart" usually means rambling, repeated points, and missing key things you wanted to say. Write it.
Not having a backup reader. Have someone else ready to step in if you can't continue.
Practical preparation
- Write the eulogy 2-7 days before delivery
- Have 1-2 trusted people review
- Print in large font (16+ pt) for readable delivery
- Bring water to the lectern
- Have tissues nearby
- Identify a backup reader and rehearse the handoff signal
- Take a breath at the start before speaking
When multiple eulogies happen
Common pattern — 2-4 family members or close friends each give a 3-5 minute eulogy from their perspective. Each shorter, each different angle. Often more powerful than one long eulogy.
If multiple eulogists, coordinate to avoid major overlap and ensure complementary perspectives.
What we focus on at It's Simple Will
The Funeral Pre-Planner can capture preferences about who the deceased wanted to eulogize them and any specific things they hoped would be mentioned. Some Canadians write their own eulogy as part of pre-planning.
Related guides
Citations & sources
- [1]Funeral Service Association of Canada — Funeral Service Association of Canada
Frequently asked questions
How long should a eulogy be?
5-10 minutes typical (600-1200 words read aloud at moderate pace). Long enough for substance, short enough to maintain attention. Multiple shorter eulogies from different family members work well.
What should I include?
Pick 2-4 specific qualities or aspects of the deceased's life. For each, tell a brief specific story illustrating it. Avoid trying to be comprehensive — better to bring 3 things to life than list 30 things flatly.
Should I include humor?
If the deceased was funny or appreciated humor, yes — even at their own funeral. Specific funny stories from the deceased's life can be among the most powerful moments. Match the family's comfort level.
What if I get too emotional to continue?
Common. Have a backup reader (another family member or close friend) ready to step in. Print the eulogy in large font for readability. Take pauses. Sometimes the moment of struggling to continue is itself part of the tribute.
Should I have someone else give it?
Sometimes the right choice — if the closest family member is too overcome to deliver, a more composed family friend or extended family member can. Some families have the closest family member write the words and a friend deliver. Many families have multiple short eulogies.
Can I write my own eulogy in advance?
Yes — some Canadians do this as part of pre-planning, particularly those facing terminal illness. The deceased's own words about their life can be deeply moving. Family member delivers, sometimes mentioning the deceased wrote it themselves.